2011 fades into 2012. Things change.

I love change, couldn’t live without it,
have to have it. But I also have trouble with it. Why do I need to change things? I credit my mom, who moved the furniture around every season and often put us in the car, unexpectedly bound for grandma’s house or Dorothy’s apartment in San Diego.

I have changed my blog design.
No big deal, but I wasn’t posting.
I needed a change to invite me back after Marleen died. Is that what needing change is about for some of us? I couldn’t go back to those last two posts, couldn’t follow up or talk about 6 months of grief, 6 months of forced change.

In my profession, I liked to fix things, especially things that needed editing or polishing. Some things not only can’t be fixed, they shouldn’t be made to look any better than they are. So that’s where I leave 2011. I just leave it — alone. There is no epilogue, no proper end. Just a relief.


I have a new art gallery! Please come take a look…

8 thoughts on “Whiteout

  1. Dear Diana,
    As ever, your poignant post strikes a chord with something in me, too. I am so sorry about your loss and cannot begin to imagine the reconstruction you are undertaking… it seems like life is all about building back after the ocean of time takes pieces from us. But it also gives us precious gifts, each like a shell pushed onto the sand after a storm to remind us that we are indeed made of stronger stuff, beautiful bits that surround those inner spaces where we can hear the wind and our hearts in those spaces. We need that space to hear ourselves and life again and trust in the promise of change and the granite-like reality of certain moments, stepping-stones, that guide us on our way.
    May 2012 be touched with peace for you—every day.

  2. It doesn’t fail that each time I read you I can relate to something you share. I am not lonely but I feel like you do about facebook. I’m not lonely because I have 1 really good friend; one less than I had a year ago. My other best friend passed away March 17, 1 day after my Mother passed away. She was also my friend. So I also miss these two very important women in my life. I have had to back out some of my responsibilities because I’m just not enthused about anything right now. I love my husband, children, grand children and brothers and sisters. It is my girl friend, my best friend that makes the biggest difference in who I am. Her and I can talk about anything in the world and not judge each other. We talk deep, not so deep, laugh and cry together.
    (I just realized that I am commenting on a previous post…I’m sorry).

    So this is why I am not really lonely. But I exactly know what you say about FB. Reading about everyone else and their life and their . . . whatever. I find it boring. So I rarely go there. I like the way you write and the way you share your heart. I will ‘like’ you on FB. Glad you’re still writing.

  3. The older I get the more perplexed I am by things. But I am also learning – we do always somehow just find a way to keep going, even without proper endings, or beginnings.

    Happy new year to you Diana, it is always a pleasure to read some of your words and reflections.

  4. Changed your blog design. You like seascapes? Looks like a storm coming in. Perhaps change to a sunrise. Best change is rebirth from our particular apotheosis.

  5. Diana,
    Welcome back to posting. I love the new header image. As you have probably surmised, the sea calls to me, which makes the image very appealing.

    I know that you’ve had a rough several months. I hope that 2012 brings you more peace.

  6. Lita! So nice to finally see a picture of you. And what a lovely picture it is.
    Thank you for your thoughts. I haven’t come back to writing yet. I can’t seem to write about the important things and what else is there to write about?

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