This won’t be a popular post.
Oh, man, I have to admit it…I hate the law of attraction. I hate optimism. I don’t do ((hugs)) and I don’t know how you can do them either. Everyone seems to be on a positive thinking binge. Everywhere I go on the web I hear people congratulating each other for their warmth and support, their optimism. It’s almost unacceptable now to disagree with someone in their comments. You may do it, of course, if you do it politely and with deference and end your comment with the statement, “if you would so be so gracious as to let me state my real opinion, though not frankly, I promise not to fracture the groovy lovefest that you have succeeded in creating here in this optimistic nest.”
Okay, so has everyone left the room?
On the TV show “The Closer” last night, Kyra Sedgwick’s character, Brenda, says to her new husband, “I love you with all my heart. But sometimes I think my heart is only THIS big,” pinching her fingers about an inch apart. I can SO relate to this character.
I have a wicked sense of humor, but otherwise I am a cynical, traumatized survivor who is still PISSED at so many avenues of my life I cannot move. I’m mostly pissed that it’s so much more acceptable to be depressed (you’ll find many, many people will rally around if you are down and out) than it is to just be mad as Hell!
I awoke this morning thinking about two (strangely different) movie clips. The first was the classic line from Twilight Zone: The Movie. Dan Aykroyd is saying, “Hey… you wanna see something really scary?” You know what happens next. That’s how I feel about revealing my real thoughts, my unloving, pessimistic, scathingly honest reaction to the world right here, right now.
Next came a song in my head, “If I Loved You” from “Carousel“. I love “Carousel.” This song makes me cry. Only, in my head the words changed to “If You Knew Me.” I think this is for my S.O.
If you knew me,
Time and again you would want to hear
All I’d want you to know.
If you knew me,
Words would’ve come in an easier way,
Round in circles we go!
Longing to tell you,
but afraid and shy,
“You’ll let our golden chances pass us by!”
Soon you’d leave me,
Off you would go in the midst of my ire,
Never, never to know…
How I miss love,
When I had love.
In “Carousel”, Billy is love-sick. I am life-sick. A misfit in the world I grew up in, I chose to rebel. By being a non-conformist, and a non-believer (I don’t believe a lot of things) I am an outsider. I don’t belong here, in 2009. Part of me swung around and the 60s were over, our bright future extinguished. Peace and love are cliche. And I don’t even know where the damned “e with accent mark” is on the keyboard.
To top it off, now the latest optimistic crap surfacing on TV and the web is “Don’t Blame the Economy”, “It’s Not the Economy, Stupid,” etc. Yeah, it’s our fault, we omniscient beings. Let’s put the onus squarely on US for the collapse of housing, the job market, and credit. Wow, success or failure is now MINE, all MINE! What is this? Is Ronnie Reagan alive? The bootstraps mentality has resurfaced, bringing with it all the miserable myths that keep normal people feeling even madder at themselves for not being in control. All you have to do is hire the right consultant, find the right branding strategy, find the few people still spending. They’ll still buy your product or service (all you have to do is find the one thing people will still pay you to do in a down economy—and I can’t legally say that in print). If you are failing, “It’s your own fault!” Bull. The only people who seem to be making money in this down economy are people selling advice for how to make it in a down economy. Is hope all we have left to sell?
Unemployment in my area is over 12%. Mom and Pop businesses have laid off all their employees and are washing their own windows at the gas station by my house. Where did the three senior citizens that used to work there go after the first of the year? Are they OK? Do they have financial advisors? LOL. Investments? No. This is mostly a blue collar town. If they are lucky, they have social security (a pittance). But then, that’s their fault. They could have all been lawyers, right? The universe is waiting to give you everything you need. All you have to do is spread the word. By the way, lawyers are being laid off too. Must have “attracted” the wrong profession, huh?
See, the law of attraction says that you attract what you put out. Explain to me how that works when innocents die, when children are left motherless, mothers left childless. This is just a sick variation of karma. At least karma gives you the end you deserve based on a past life you aren’t even responsible for! But yeah, toss the buck here. I’ll hold it. That way you can maintain your denial that we are not in control, have never been in control, and never will be in control of some things.
Maybe now that Obama is here, it’s bad form to be cranky. I guess it’s my fault for reading Ray Bradbury (Zen in the Art of Writing) when I’m feeling moody, but he is able to transform his angst into those wonderful stories and I was hoping to get some guidance there. I’ll leave you with his words…
“Every morning I jump out of bed and step on a landmine. The landmine is me.
After the explosion, I spend the rest of the day putting the pieces together.
Now it’s your turn. Jump!”