So far, I am not following any sort of schedule in 2009. I am all over the place in my head. I am considering (have decided to) redirect my energies sharply this year. I have not been working in the studio. I am what you would call “in transition.” I do this a lot. I’m sure it’s genetic, since my mom was the same way and my daughters’ are always moving to new challenges. So maybe it’s normal, maybe boredom, frustration. But I am about to dump a whole lot of artwork on you quickly so I can start fresh with a new focus and a new palette (who doesn’t like a freshly scraped palette?)
Before I can move forward in my work, I have to acknowledge the past few years. This was an era of self-conscious purging. It was personal and I needed it. I had been in an untenable position for a very long time and parachuted to the safety of my home and its welcome solitude.
Recently I read Twitching Grey Matter‘s interesting post, Rehumanization: Exactly What the World Needs Now, about how we talk to each other (sometimes nastily) online in ways we wouldn’t talk to each other in person. I mentioned in comment that “maybe when you’ve been hit and couldn’t fight back, you walk around with a bat in your hand.” I was talking about my defensiveness, of course, and the chip on the shoulder, and the anger that anyone bullied has towards any future bullying. And I realized that I may be done purging the past of bullies for now. Not that I don’t remember the past. And not that I won’t be caught working on a piece or two about being personally pissed off. It’s just that I have so much more I want to do. So I’ll be redecorating, adding new topics, and broadening my topics to include some happier ones…like joy, desire.
It’s only natural that the intense sense of relief I feel that the last 8 years are over would allow me to say these things out loud again—
On January 20, 2009, the theme song in my head changed from “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” to “Feelin’ Groovy.” I never realized how much W. affected my mood until he was gone…