Dear Dylan Jayde,
Today I went to my studio to work on your “birth” day present, a beaded mosaic frame. I’m late getting started because I’ve been so preoccupied. Worried about you getting here safely. Worried about your mom getting through this safely too. It’s been a long road but you made it. Momma’s all right, daddy’s all right, and every day you grow stronger. You are the most beautiful girl in the world. And lucky too! You’ll be a citizen of the world from the start—equally at home in America and Australia.
I had your frame and materials ready. Choosing your photo was harder than I expected because, although I’ve resigned myself to waiting until April to see you, when I looked at your photos, it made me cry. I can’t wait to hold you and know you and for you to know me, from the start—not as a stranger.
I knew what I wanted to do with your beading. But today when I began, the pieces didn’t fit, wouldn’t work, and won’t be forced! It seems that, like most little ones, you will be what you will be and so will your mosaic! No putting things where they don’t want to go. No using hearts specifically bought for you, No! Your present is proving every bit as unwilling to be defined as newborns tend to be. It seems to want to be born alone, without preconceptions.
I’ve placed your photo behind the frame, for reference to color and composition while beading. But it’s as if you are guiding my work. That little bit of personality already poking through has ruined everything I planned so far. Your coloring, form, and perfect little face are ruling the composition and color palette. I’m not used to collaborating on projects! Okay, so my teal color scheme is out, you require an earthier, jungle green leaf. Good choice. Your mommy likes silver rather than gold? Too bad for mom, because gold best compliments your complexion and you do live on the Gold Coast, after all! You chose your own tiny, emerald green heart too, rejecting the larger one I thought would be perfect. Emerald green was my mom’s favorite color and you were born on her birthday, as I had predicted. I connect the two of you because I need the circle to be unbroken. I hope you don’t mind.
Will you come tomorrow? We work well together. Or rather, I have enjoyed following your direction. Also, I could use your help in deciding how to dangle your heart. Until then, I will hold your heart. I will hold your heart in my heart.
(my apologies to ee cummings for adapting his wonderful phrasing to fit this post)
FYI…”No comments” on WordPress does not mean comments aren’t allowed. It means there aren’t any yet. Despite an outcry of WP users asking to change it to something else, it persists. So go ahead and click on “No comments” to comment. Geesh.